I never thought I would be this close
to you, got separated quite long, got
closer again in few moments, not because of love but b’cos of “keisengan”an
untuk killing time I guess.
There were few moments that I like
you badly and almost love you… didn’t know about that, but I told about you to
my late daddy while he’s in dying breath just to make him not worried that I would
be alone if he’d be gone, but the next
thing I knew I decided to leave you and
all the feelings I had, too many hurt things happen, too many pain words been
said … I choosed to leave.
What you didn’t know (and also
me) was during those separated years which is I thought I had forgotten you, I still
keep this feeling deep inside… I tried so hard to buried them away from my
heart and mind but somehow it was coming back… in few ways. Funny thing is I hide
it and change it with my “hate and dislike you” acts so that people and even my
friends think I really not that into you… at all, and somehow I feel secure
with that way *sorry*
Many years gone by since we
hardly speak or seeing each other and
become stranger to each other too, now I am facing the fact that I have to
dealing with you again, facing the same voice, smile, face and attitude of you
which is brings all the memories *bad and good* into me, but this time I have
to face you not as the old you I ever knew but the nu person In nu situation. Honestly,
I freak out, freak out to the situation, to the fact, to you and to my own self!
I used to walk out e’time we were in the same room, or I easily move away e’time
I saw you around me, or excused my self if I heard your voice more than what 2
or 5 minutes, as long as I could move away from you just because I didn’t want
you see the love and hate feeling I sence everytime you’re near me. But now I have
to hold those feelings and wrap them in neat behavior and smooth acts, just to
make sure of my self (and you) that I’m fine, no matter you hurted me I’m just
fine…
I never ask you to like me the
way you feel for my friends, I just ask you don’t make feel that I’m mean something
to you while your heart fill with desire to my friends .. or other person….
But, one way or another, I thank
God for seeing you right now…. i do ..... knowing there's someone (or few girls/ladies include my friends) and you, both like each other.... i know you'll be fine ...
