KEJUJURAN vs SAKIT HATI

Sarangheyo, I love you, Wǒ ài nǐ, ti amo, je t'aime, ich liebe dich, ik hou van je, aku tresno karo kowe …I think that’s not that easy as it’s said when connected to you.I have tried hundreds of time but you never understand it, worst thing you never give a damn with it hehehe… silly me … and finally I find out about that lately. My hunch was right …First time I heard you say that I was breaking into pieces but second thought that wasn’t your fault,you said honesty of what you felt, beside I couldn’t force you to like me or love me -thank you for telling methe truth anyway- no matter how break down I was but thank you for your honesty.Aku akan menutup hatiku dari dirimu bahkan dari bayangan mu.  Kamu tidak akan pernah tau apakah aku ada di dekatmu atau sudah melupakanmu,nikmati hidup kamu semoga kamu bahagia setelah menghancurkan kepercayaan ku untuk kedua kalinya.Cukuplah aku memberi hatiku untuk kamu cabik, lukai dan hancurkan, aku terima.Terima kasih untuk itu, semoga kamu tidak harus merasakan dan mengalami apa yang kamu lakukanuntuk ku.Oiya, satu hal lagi, aku tidak pernah berharap dari kamu untuk apa yang aku tau kamu tidak pernahdan tidak mampu lakukan ….. HEHEHEHE kamu salah!!Kejujuran itu menyakitkan aku tau, tapi aku lebih dapat menerima sakit tersebut.Sayangnya, kamu tidak tau itu. Bukan sosok yang berkata "sayang", "i love you" didepanku namun dibelakang aku kamu membuat perempuan itu merasa dicintai olehmu,sama seperti yang kamu lakukan terhadap aku.Itu sakit .... sungguh loh sakit ...Aku pergi ... tidak perlu cari aku atau memikirkan aku, pikirkan saja bagaimana membuat perempuan lain itu bahagia dan merasa kamu mencintainya meski mungkin sebenarnya dia hanya sampah lain yang kamu pakai untuk membersihkan kotoran di pikiran dan hati kamu ... sama seperti aku ... 
Aku pergi ....

The Truth of us-23 Juni 2020

It’s been almost two weeks since our last chat … or shall I say debate … like usually.  And the result had striked me inside out, but it was worth it I think as long as the truth came out from it, I finally realize the truth about me, about him and about us.

Do you think it is so wrong to ask for maintain the conversation between us? Is it so wrongly to ask that, is it too possible to do that. I’m not asking for something that so hard just communication, but i think that the worst request ever for you. 

Finally i realize, i have no right to ask that such things, i should have known my position, i'm not in the part of his work or family, so i'm just other things in other words "you're not in my mind right now, so don't asking for nonsense", after all i'm just the other things, not important-lah ....

It hurts loh, really hurts, but thank you for the honest statement, it wasn't wrong at all, mistake was on me. Now, i'm preparing myself without you, and hopefully it gives you room to be with your important things. I won't bother you anymore-must to use to of that-no matter how hard it's gonna be for me to live on that's my risk.

Thank you for waking me up from the dreams, i should have known that my time has end up being your slave now that b***h turns to be yours. ☹