Boo

Banyak yg tjadi between us ya dr dulu sampai dg saat ini. To be honest i never think that I’m this close to you. And you know what, the hardest thing to be faced getting close to you is missing you.
Mengingat waktu utk kita berdua talk abt my "resign letter" terbatas dan nyaris tdk ada, allow me to say something to you plz. Ttg dia and you, I have this jealousy but gw ga pernah berpikir berapa jauhnya hub kedekatan kalian (like us), but i do think there's somethg between u both and it's kinda more than just friend, ga tau knapa perasaan itu ada terus (bukan semata-mata hy krn jeles), i just dont know hw to show the signs to you. How can i explain the "senyum flirting" (sorry i name it that way…hehehe) between you both e'time meet each other, or hw can i explain the way your eyes looking at each other, i can tell coz that’s the look u used to look at me, or how the body language of you both speak of your closeness, I don’t know how to prove them to you but i think you understand what I’m talking about. 

I love you too D meski hubungan ini terlarang and I know that. And like you also, I always remind my self this isn’t right and yes not easy for both of us, deny all the feeling inside, merasakan sesuatu yang seharusnya ga boleh ada, menyangkal semua perasaan yang ada knowing itu bukan sesuatu yg benar but all of them are real and excist, Untuk gw pribadi ga mudah meyakinkan diri "i mean something to you " bersamaan saat melihat, mendengar dan mendapati not only me yang merasa demikian ke dikau . I know you are women’s teaser by making them feel special, treat them so well, caring them nicely, but not every women get that “luck” from you, and with your handsomeness and charmed who’s not feel loved by you.  gw minta maaf jika kembali buat elu unpleasant. Itu bukan campur aduk, but hanya berpikir pergi adalah jalan keluar terbaik supaya gw ga membatasi elu dan dirinya apapun hubungan yang kalian miliki saat ini. Karena gw sangat takut mengecewakan elu dalam banyak hal…

Kehilangan our special day (or you) is the biggest loss I ever feel, gw belum pernah merasakan kehilangan seperti ini, gw bahkan ga tau harus bagaimana menghadapinya. Satu sisi menyiapkan diri melepas elu apapun alasannya,dari sisi kondisi emang not allowed dan dari sisi my attitude gw yakin pasti elu udah gedeg banged liat sikap atau kata2 gw everytime terkait dirinya and menghadapi ketidakpercayaan gw atas penjelasan apapun yg elu coba berikan ke gue. Gw ga pernah merasa kedekatan kita mjd hal yg tidak adil utk gue, malahan being close to you lebih kepada suatu kebanggan utk gw, hal yg hanya suatu mimpi utk gw ada depan mata gw saat ini, sesaat gw “melayang” dg kedekatan kita but the moment tentangnya mencuat hebat saat itu gw merasa ga adil dan this is the fact, time to wake up. 

Elu sangat sangat berarti untuk gw, keberadaan elu, your word, your trust..everything in you, but if her memang lebih bisa memberikan kenyamanan untuk elu gw ga akan tahan elu but I think gw ga mau knowing about that dari gossip atau omongan orang.Menyayangi elu dan mencintai elu adalah hal yang ga bisa tergantikan oleh apapun dan siapapun, elu adalah …gosh I couldn’t any word to describe how special you are to me… I love you… ga tau gimana menghilangkannya but I do love you D.

Terima kasih untuk waktu yang diberikan untuk gue…

My Memory by Ryu (OST Winter Sonata)

My Memory moh doo gee uhk hae yoh geuh soon gahn
Noon eul gahm euh myun ah joo jahk eun eel doh boh ee neh yoh
You're far away dah deul soo up neun goh seh
Sa rang hahn dah neun mahl doh gee dah leen dah neun mahl doh ha jee moht ha goh

Jung mahl mohl laht joh geuh dehl ee luht geh dah shee mahn nahl jool eun sehng gahk joh cha moht het suht joh

Ah jik nuhl sa rang hae ee jeh lah doh neh geh goh behk hahl kkeh
I want to love you forever
Neut jee ahn aht dah myun ee luht geh nah wah hahm kkeh young won hee

Oh leht dohng ahn geuh dehn nah ae gah seum ae mahn eun shee gahn heul luh doh
Ah joo muhl lee ee juh doh sahl ah eet sut joh

Jung mahl mohl laht joh geuh dehl ee luht geh dah shee mahn nahl jool eun sehng gahk joh cha moht het suht joh

Ah jik nuhl sa rang hae ee jeh lah doh neh geh goh behk hahl kkeh
I want to love you forever
Neut jee ahn aht dah myun ee luht geh nah wah hahm kkeh young won hee

English Translation
My Memory At that moment I remembered it all
When I see those memories they seem so small..
You're far away in a place that I can't reach
I can't wait for these words of love to be said

I really was to blame
Will I ever get to meet you again?
I can't even imagine that
I still love you and now I'll confess that to you
I wanna love you forever
It's not too late
Be with me forever

For a long time you've been in my heart
Much time passes and still you're far away, but I will stay alive

I really was to blame
Will I ever get to meet you again?
I can't even imagine that
I still love you and now I'll confess that to you
I wanna love you forever
It's not too late

A Great Big World - Say Something

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something

 

doubt, pain and loss

Tuhan, satu-satunya moment aku merasa tidak adil adalah saat gossip itu tiba di telinga ku untuk kedua kalinya, dan menyadari it’s probably not just a gossip. I dunno what to do when he asked me to trust my own heart, so how am I suppose to do that when I had stopped believing my own heart long time ago since he proved that my heart was wrong.

i love him, always do, always will, and i do believe him when he said that "magical word" but i also believe that he's only human, i believe that he is able to feel love and attractive to other girls than me, but he never understand that and i don't know how to explain what i feel.

I had done the silence before and it made me cost of loosing him, and now when i say what i feel to him still i'm loosing him ... all the sudden he came with all the "not fair" reasons to me....

i stand still when i heard the way he kissed my friend, i stand still when i heard he share the same bed with my friend, i stand still when i heard his flattery touch to other girls, one gosip and the next thing i knew i have no strength to stand on my feet again... and it happen just when i needed him the most...

Shape of My Heart

Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here, don't put out the glow
Hold me now, don't bother
If every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that I've become, oh yea

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part
Kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Sadness is beautiful, loneliness is tragical
So help me, I can't win this war, oh no
Touch me now, don't bother
If every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man I've become

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part
Kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart

I'm lookin' back on things I've done
I never wanna play the same old part
Or keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part
Kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part
And kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of
Show you the shape of my heart

Anything For You by Gloria Estefan

Anything for you
Though you're not here
Since you said we're through
It seems like years
Time keeps draggin' on and on
And forever's been and gone
Still I can't figure what went wrong

I'd still do anything for you
I'll play your game
You hurt me through and through
But you can have your way

I can pretend each time I see you
That I don't care and I don't need you
And though you'll never see me cryin'
You know inside I feel like dying

And I'd do anything for you
In spite of it all
I've learned so much from you
You made me strong

But don't even think that I don't love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don't work out right
And you just have to say goodbye

I hope you find someone to please you
Someone who'll care and never leave you
But if that someone ever hurts you
You just might need a friend to turn to

And I'd do anything for you
I'll give you up
If that's what I should do
To make you happy

I can pretend each time I see you
That I don't care and I don't need you
And though inside I feel like dying
You know you'll never see me cryin'

But don't even think that I don't love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don't work out right
And you just have to say goodbye

6 Januari 2016/412MC 18:22-19.41 *the quickest*

Dunno what to say, except “I do…”

Thank you for always trying to convince me about your feeling,

even In the middle of my doubt…

Loved by you so impossible, and only just  a dream

It’s so hard to make my self visible to you, just to get a little chance having your precious heart

But now when you’ve given me that chance it’s freaking me out badly….

That day, that date, that moment

Having you beside me, so close

Hearing your breath, felt you inside me, smell your skin perfume, touch your skin

God I do love you…

I don’t know how and why … just love you ….

Have no reason, have no why’s, have nothing to explain

Just feel that strong feeling inside my heart

I would give my all tomorrows to have a yesterday moment with you….

aku kangen

Aku kangen ...
yep, aku merindukan mu.
Perasaan yang tidak seharusnya ada dan hadir dalam hati dan hari-hari ku.

Aku kangen ....
glad i took your body perfume spray that day even it was empty,
but the smell of your skin is there e'time i smell the bottle, and hoping it's enough to fulfill my longing of you.

Aku kangen ....
meski aku sudah berusaha menghilangkan bayangan dirimu dari pikiran ku. Rasa itu sangat menyesakan dada, aku berusaha keras meyakinkan diriku "no way you missing me just the way i feel for you...no way, immposible...you're already with your happiness there... no need me at all..."

Aku kangen ....
Namun hanya dengan memikirkan how happy you are somewhere out there, that you already had your happiness, sudah cukup untuk ku...

Aku kangen ....
So i try to stop thinking about you krn itu hy akan mengganggu kebahagiaan mu....